Humor heals. If there is something that could make your worries go away, it is one good joke. Although it cannot solve your problem, being able to laugh makes you think that everything is all right or will be in the days to come. If you are a big joke fan, you have come to the right page. We have listed ten of the best jokes ever, which could make you roll with laughter.
Before we delve into the list, let us first classify the best jokes. What separates good ones from the bad? What separates the jokes that can make you cry in laughter from those ones that are just taken in passing? For one, it has to be written in witty manner. A simple play with words can already do so much. For another, it has to have sense. Humor is something that you cannot just force onto someone. It is a skill of knowing what to say at the right time. Jokes that are relevant or those that people can relate to understandably gets the most nods. It could also help a lot if the jokes use simple language, not lengthy, and most importantly, direct to the point. If the ones reading your joke have to crack a few codes to get to the bottom of it, do you think they will even bother? To get you inspired writing your own jokes, read our rundown of the best 10:
10. Relaxing Location by Carol Beach
While my parents were making their funeral arrangements, the cemetery salesman pointed out a plot that he thought they would like. “You’ll have a beautiful view of the swan pond,” he assured them. Dad wasn’t sold: “Unless you’re including a periscope with my casket, I don’t know how I’m going to enjoy it.”
9. In Memoriam by Thomas Buoye
Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks if there is a memento of some sort inside. “Yes,” says Sally, “a lock of my husband’s hair.” “But Larry’s still alive.” “I know, but his hair is gone.”
8. Blonde Threat
A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ”Shut up…you’re next!”
7. Painfully Funny Obituaries from topfive.com
You’d die of embarrassment if these phrases appeared in your obituary:
* She leaves behind a brother and 117 cats.
* Passed away in a failed stunt that has already been viewed more than 40 million times on YouTube.
* Was always quick to point out others’ grammatical errors.
* Survived by his parents and his animatronic wife, Elizabot
6. A Glitch by Norm Sunshine
After an enthusiastic recommendation from my wife, I began listening to the audiobook version of Frank McCourt’s Teacher Man. “I love it, but his writing style is so disjointed,” I complained. “He refers to characters I don’t know and introduces them a half hour later.” My wife was as confused as I was, but I soldiered on, disoriented by the jumpy story line. It wasn’t until the end of the book that my dilemma was explained—I had set the iPod to Shuffle.
5. The Right Diagnosis
A man tells his doctor that he’s incapable of doing all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination is over, he says, “Okay, Doctor. In plain English—what’s wrong with me?” “Well, in plain English,” says the doctor, “you’re just lazy.” The man nods. “Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.”
4. By Geoff Anandappa
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
“I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson.
“And what do you deduce from that?”
Watson ponders for a minute. “Well,
• Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
• Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.
• Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
• Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
• Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe.
But what does it tell you, Holmes?”
Holmes is silent for a moment.
“Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”
3. Ugly Baby
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: ‘Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
2. By Gurpal Gosal
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator says “Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says “OK, now what?
1. My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed, I never knew they worked.